I took a leap of faith yesterday. I binned my biggest, most glamorous client when there was nothing to replace them with. It was scary, but in the end, I had no choice. The relationship had become toxic and it was weighing me down.
The person I was in January when I started my year-long spiritual mentorship programme, would never have done that. I’d have clung on to the bitter end to get as much money out of it as I could. Not out of greed I might add, but because as a freelancer, I’ve always taken any job going for fear of never working again.
But I have had my big love bomb moment now and I can’t go back. A new me is being carved out and she doesn’t undervalue herself or work for bullies just to pay the bills. Nope. She’s going places.
During meditation this morning, I could feel the familiar rising panic, but that was to be expected. It is hardwired into my system that life is a struggle, money is hard won and basically, most jobs are miserable. Turning my back on work because it’s not what I want is a whole new experience.
I sat there for an hour and allowed myself to be suffused with panic. I also felt compassion for the terrified part of me and by the end of it, I was almost calm – but not quite!
The old me would feel compelled to rush around and drum up new work at this point, but my higher self tells me not to stress. This is all part of the plan. My eyes skimmed over an advert for some poorly paid work that I could do this morning and I resisted the urge to apply.
Marion tells me that after an opening such as the one I experienced during the four-day silent retreat, giant leaps of faith are necessary to show that you trust the universe. I do. A mountain told me that the universe was going to look after me and I believed it.
So, I’m meditating, taking deep breaths and knowing that all is going to be well. There is no need to panic.
As I was writing this, a client called to say he could no longer afford to pay me for social media management. Things are falling apart, but I have a feeling that they have to do that before it can all fall together again. Life, I’m all yours – where to next?