It was bound to happen. After a few weeks spent floating on a cloud, I came crashing down to earth during one of Marion‘s sessions. “Think of the worst thing that’s ever happened to you,” she said piercing my balloon of bliss with her words.
The minute I thought of said worst thing, my shoulders tensed and the next day, I felt as if I had been run over by a truck. My shoulders were sore and my head felt as if it were stuck in a vice.
Unpleasant feelings bubbled to the surface, but because I know unequivocally that there is limitless love within me, I did not panic.
I had a phone call with Marion who explained that following an opening such as the one I experienced at the four-day silent retreat, it is normal for buried feelings to arise. I was going over familiar ground as these are emotions I have scrutinised during my year of spritual mentoring. Each time, I have chosen to push them aside or blot them out with sugar and it is only now that I feel ready to process them.
I didn’t love myself before and deep down, felt I deserved any unpleasantness that has come my way. Now, I absolutely adore my inner child and am willing to support her any which way.
A few tears were shed during meditation, I went for a fantastic shoulder massage with a man that Marion recommended and now my headache has gone.
It was my first small trough since the dizzy highs of the retreat and I survived. Life is never going to be one big party and besides, that would be so boring.
More fear has come up since Marion asked me to write down every penny I earn and spend. The out column is a LOT bigger than the in and that sent me into a spin.
But then I remembered that the universe has got my back. A mountain told me that grace would look after me during the four-day silent retreat and there is no reason to doubt this. It’s all going to be okay. Everything is tickety boo.
It dawned on me that my job in this mass awakening, is to talk to the Muggles in a language they understand (Muggle stolen from JK Rowling, is a term for ordinary folk with no interest in crystals, meditation or rainbow knits. I am one – or at least I thought I was) In Marion’s circle, they use words like ‘consciousness’ and ‘source’, which baffle a lot of my contemporaries who are searching for some greater meaning in life just like me.
This blog is the perfect starting point for a book. It’s the map of one person’s spiritual journey over the course of a year. Everyone’s path to the truth is different, but I am sure there are things I have said, done and felt that could help others.
I have considered publishing the blog (self publishing if I have to) as it is, but then adding my thoughts post love bomb moment along with a tip I consider useful with the benefit of hindsight. I have a feeling that when I write this book, the muse will be very much on my side. I might even start it this weekend. Why not?