Money matters

My spiritual mentor’s cabin in the wilds has never looked more glorious. The sun shone in a cloudless sky, the view was awesome and all was still. ‘Let’s do a little meditation and see what happens,’ she said.

The day before, a fellow mentoree had joked that I should run if Marion says: ‘Let’s do a little process.’ As there’d been no mention of the ‘p’ word, which is common parlance in Journey circles, I saw no reason to panic.

I was in a lovely calm state when Marion asked me to imagine being eight-years-old and sat at a table listening to my parents discuss, or should I say argue about money.

There were no end of uncomfortable feelings. Fear. Anxiety. Rage. Sadness. Grief. You name it. And I had no positive words to say about money. It was – toxic, nuclear, acid, dangerous etc.

I also remembered how difficult it was to ask my father for money as a child. He was always busy and stressed, hence you would be ignored at first and then possibly, shouted at. I remember it being an excruciating process and somewhere along the line, vowed that I would earn my own money, so that I would never have to ask for it again. This is one of the many reasons I could never have married a rich man.

Afterwards, I could see the ridiculousness of it all. Money is merely a currency. It’s not a person and there is no need to imbue it with so many negative emotions. No wonder I’ve struggled with it my whole life, in fact, it’s a miracle that I’ve done so well with all of this going on in my psyche.

I have a roof over my head, money in the bank and am not about to be destitute any time soon. On the flip side, I never once got a pay rise when I was employed and as a freelance writer, I said and did nothing when my rates were repeatedly slashed.

As someone who now runs their own business, it makes a whole lot of sense to be able to stand back and view money as a practical issue. I have to ‘ask’ my clients for money on a regular basis and often feel guilty if I don’t think I have earned it….this is what drives me to over service and under charge. I can’t think of a single instance where I have over charged and under delivered, not that it is something to aspire to.

Experiencing all the feelings I had around money as a kid wasn’t easy. It was intensely uncomfortable, but afterwards, I could see the value in shining a light on the issue. It’s time to grow up and get sensible, time to see all the ‘good’ that money do. There’s plenty of room for it in my bank account and I look forward to developing an easier relationship with the stuff.

Money, it’s time you and I had a bit of fun!


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