Mindful bitch

I’d only been home for 10 minutes before somebody called me a bitch. You’d think that after an entire day of mindfulness exercises at my local Quaker centre, I’d be impervious to insults, but I was riled.

Who was at fault? Me of course. What kind of parent am I? My kids are disrespectful and rude. I wouldn’t dare call my mother a bitch…etc etc. Then I was reminded of a quote from today’s event. I can’t remember it exactly, but it was along the lines of – travel the whole world and you won’t find anybody more deserving of your compassion than you.

I am sure it sounded better than that, but that’s the gist of it. How true. I’m doing my best here and with insults flying from all corners, the last thing I need is vitriol from my own mind.

And breathe….

It was a lovely day. I turned up with no expectations and even refused to name my intention. I showed up as I was – headachy with a sore back and knotted shoulders. I left feeling a whole lot better. I even got a shoulder rub from a complete stranger. Result!

The theme was compassion, connection and community and all three were delivered in abundance.

Meditation has been a struggle for me all week, but today, my mind was quiet. I find it so much easier to meditate in a group. There were 30 of us and the energy in the room was like a warm embrace. We made a beautiful noise too – a roomful of people chanting the word ‘om’ is a most divine sound.

I’ve had a week of intense spiritual practice, from my midweek quiet day through to Marion’s Friday group and today’s mindfulness event. I’m not exactly floating on a cloud, but I am a little bit nicer for it.

One of our meditations was interrupted by half a dozen children squealing in the gardens of the centre. They were just a few feet away from us and the noise was shrill. I took great pleasure in watching them play with joyful abandon. Ordinarily, I would have found it irritating, but not this time. Today it was my own offspring who pressed my buttons.

No matter how much I meditate, chant, pray, cast spells or read spiritual books, I find mindful parenting the hardest thing in the world. I wonder, is it even possible? Answers on a white flag please…

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One comment

  1. There IS a place for righteous anger, dahlin!
    My youngest son still talks about the trouble he got in when he replied to something I’d said by going “MOO.”
    No sir, this mama was not havin’ it.
    Teenagers can be such little shits.

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