My latest prayer to the universe got lost in translation. I’d booked myself in for a quiet day at The House of Prayer where I wanted to connect with a little bit of inner stillness. Not a big ask. Anyhow, what I got, was inner illness…
It reminds me of that joke with the elephant. You know, a big picture of it with a massive steaming turd and the words ‘I said sit!’
An hour into my quiet day, a flashing spot with jagged edges appeared before my eyes. It’s been a year, but I knew what it meant…a migraine was on its way.
Oh my was it bad. I spent the day lying on the floor (you’re not allowed to use the bed in your room), shivering as I’d forgotten my blanket and wondering why the universe had forsaken me. It was horrid. I would have driven home, only I couldn’t see properly.
The following day, I had a migraine hangover, but decided that a ballet lesson might lift my spirits. It did, for a bit….until my back went.
Just as I was starting to think that this spiritual business is really a bucket of crap, my mentor Marion told me that she’d managed to swerve some upcoming minor surgery with the help of grace (her word for God, the universe etc). I won’t go into the details as she might not like it, but well, it was enough to convince me that there is such a thing as magic after all.
Marion believes there is a teaching/message in everything and I wondered why my prayer had been answered with a headache. Had it been a simple case of miscommunication? Is it just that I am genetically prone to migraine headaches or was there a lesson there for me?
I’m not sure. I did wonder if it might be a sign that I need to do nothing – because that is all I am capable of in the grip of a migraine. Am I thinking so much and trying so hard, my brain had a meltdown? I do feel that I am trying so hard at the moment, not to try so hard…
How ironic that I have just read a book called The Surrender Experiment and the one thing I find so bloody impossible is to let go…to surrender.
I have a mindfulness day booked tomorrow and I think the best approach is to expect nothing and then be pleasantly surprised if I emerge unscathed with my blister pack of Anadin Extra in tact.