Riled thing

I crossed paths with somebody I’d had a spat with yesterday and although very few words were exchanged, I was riled. I spoke to my husband about it and as we raked over the disagreement that happened some four-years-ago, I could feel my anger rising. A voice somewhere inside me screamed STOP!

By thinking and talking about a row I’d had in the past, I was breathing life back into it. Suddenly, it was as if it had happened yesterday and I knew that the only thing to do was let go.

The sun was out, the air was thick with the scent of fresh vegetation and there was a cool box full of delicious food in the boot. Why ruin the day with outrage I had created in my own mind? It was time once again, to practice being the observer of my emotions.

Why had this particular clash made me so angry? Why did I find it so hard to let go? What else was in there along with the rage? A sense of powerlessness. Fear. And even a hint of excitement. Part of me loves a battle. I love to win, but at what cost? Four-years-ago I wasn’t on a spiritual path, so how do I do things differently now?

I didn’t find any answers, but I can see that when two people disagree, at least one has to capitulate and as if to drive the message home, there was a lively debate in our car whereby my son announced ‘But I know I am right’ and my husband replied ‘You can’t be, because I am.’

Someone has to be the bigger person and allow the other party to ‘win’. But what if there is something big at stake – your job, home or even country? What then? Compromise I guess. I’m good at telling other people how to sort out their quarrels, but it seems I am not so brilliant with my own.

This morning, my spiritual mentor sent out an e-mail urging me to seek answers from my higher self and I definitely think this is one I need to mediate on.

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