Life has taken over and it struck me this afternoon that I haven’t meditated for two days. I am amazed that this bothers me because six months ago, I thought that meditation and mindfulness were for lentil munching woo woo types, but now it’s up there with oxygen, food and shelter for me.
Everything is so much easier when I feel centred and it doesn’t take much to nudge me off balance. This morning, I was anxious about what I might find when I visited my dad today. His new carer moved in 24 hours ago and there have been teething problems.
‘Don’t assume the worst, things might have settled by the time you get there,’ said my husband.
It annoys me when he is so right especially as he hasn’t got time for all this spiritual ‘nonsense’.
Things were a lot better as it happens and I had a thoroughly pleasant day, getting to know Dad’s carer and pottering about doing his washing etc. I even managed to get him to a nearby cafe for his first taste of freedom since being hospitalised a month ago.
I was struck by how warm it was when I left to catch my train and decided to go for a later one and spend half an hour meditating in some nearby gardens. Best decision of the day. Birdsong, the smell of spring and row upon row of scarlet tulips dancing in the breeze was such a tonic.
Fear was still lurking in the background, as it has been for weeks now, but that’s okay. I’ve started to understand what it means to be the ‘observer’ of my feelings. There is a still part of me that sits behind my emotions – it’s as if there are two of me inside my head.
I even used this technique to get myself through a fasting day – it’s so much easier to ‘observe’ hunger rather than allow it to consume you to the point where the stale dog treats in your pocket seem positively a la carte. I resisted the freezer full of ice-creams at the station cafe and am now on the train munching a virtuous Braeburn. Living the dream.