The morning went according to plan. I woke up early, did my chores and settled down to meditate at 7am. The aromatherapy diffuser was belching out the scent of rosemary, there was a ‘Do not disturb’ sign on the door and I was wrapped in the finest National Trust blanket that money can buy. Perfect. Only it wasn’t.
I couldn’t escape a nagging sense of panic. I took deep breaths and tried to ignore it, but it wouldn’t go away. My spiritual mentor always urges me to invite my feelings in whenever I meditate, but the whole panic vibe seemed to go against everything I was trying to achieve; namely a sense of inner-calm and clarity.
Marion has a habit of sending the right e-mail at the precise moment it’s needed and this morning, some words about stuck feelings fell into my inbox.
She wrote –
- Remember that the energy of emotions follows thought, so what practical steps can you take to feel differently?
- What thought patterns and beliefs are causing you to feel the way you do?
- Have you been denying your true feelings? Can you give yourself permission to feel them fully?
She suggested making a record of my work with the above, including dates and times as I will hopefully see how things have shifted when I look back at it. “Seeing patterns change increases our capacity to trust in the process and worry less about the future. This keeps our frequency in a higher and happier place, which through the Law of Attraction, brings us more things to feel happy about,” she wrote.
Damn the bloody Law of Attraction. I have terrible trouble with ‘blocked’ feelings and would worry about them far less if I didn’t half think that the universe sees it as a sign to chuck more of the same my way. Really, is the universe THAT literal?
Anyway, back to the panic. I am sure it popped up because I told myself I was going to be on fire today. It was my subconscious mind’s way of saying ‘On fire? Are you sure? You couldn’t light a candle right now.’
I have been kind of on fire today, but the panic has not subsided. The good news is, I have a three hour one-to-one with Marion on Thursday in the Surrey wilderness. It’s just the two of us in a remote wooden cabin, the thought of which, makes me feel a bit err…panicky!