It’s #MindfulMonday again and this morning Marion asked me to refresh my knowledge of Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now and practice being in the present moment as often as I can. Monday seems as good a time as any to do this. It’s like the now – always a fresh start.
Sinking into the Power of Now includes paying attention to my emotions and asking myself questions like ‘How do I feel?’ and ‘Does this emotion have any physical sensations?’ I am to be the observer of my feelings, to know that they are just passing through and that all are welcome.
On Saturday, Marion gave me a checklist of emotions and my homework is to tick-off those I experience. There are lots of them and they range from self-hatred at the bottom of the scale, through to joy and love at the top.
It struck me that I rarely pay attention to how I feel and also, that since I made a decision to get to know myself, I haven’t felt much in the way of joy or love. I am working my way through the lower end of the scale first. I’ve moved on from self-hated and despair and right now, there is a mild sense of panic in the background. This may be because I’ve just spent 5 days with my dad and am never quite sure which medical calamity is about to strike. I took him for a blood test at the GP’s earlier and he nearly fell twice. My nerves are in tatters.
I’ve eaten two bags of Cadbury’s mini Creme Eggs, watched a horror film and a thriller on Netflix – all things I am not supposed to do in a bid to suppress my feelings. Still, I have no regrets.
The good news is, I have a ballet class tomorrow morning, I’ve just pitched for two pieces of work I’d really like to do and I have been offered a place on a crafting retreat in May in return for some press coverage. This came in days after I vowed to start writing more articles about wellbeing. I took it as a sign and said ‘yes’, even though it means missing my sister’s 50th birthday party.
I feel bad about this, but the good news is, I will be with her on her actual birthday. Normally, I would say no to the place at the retreat and go to the party, but after deciding that I matter above everyone else at Saturday’s mentoring session (well I am not 100% there, but working on it) I am going through the pain of disappointing her, knowing she’ll be okay as there’ll be 50+ other guests at the do who will all be better at partying than me – I don’t drink much, hate dancing to bands and usually leave early for a cup of tea in bed.
I can send my husband in my absence as he loves nothing better than a boogie and is always disappointed when I say it’s time to go home. It will give him the chance to dance until dawn for once.
I’m interviewing my spiritual mentor Marion for the podcast tomorrow. Hopefully, the technology will work and I’ll post it up by the end of the week. That’s the plan anyway. Fingers-crossed.