Ugh. My mood is terrible today. It feels as if tar is creeping through my veins instead of blood. It’s not all bad, I feel so bleak, I don’t have the energy to think any more and that is a blessed relief.
Today will simply have to unfold as it does and I will be a passenger. I am at my Dad’s and he is exhausted so I may join him in a round of daytime naps, although he has begged for an outing, which terrifies me as he almost toppled over when we last ventured onto the high street.
So, that’s where I am. Running on the emergency generator and just about holding on. I’m glad I am with Dad as the last thing I want is anyone trying to cheer me up or chivvy me along. Also, my misery is scaring the kids, so it is probably best that I am out of the house for a couple of days.
At the start of the week, I bought emergency supplies of liquorice allsorts and fudge to see me through the dark times, but I’ve reached a point where not even sugar can salve me.
I know that Marion my spiritual mentor would say that these are all ‘good signs’ and that this is a passing phase. Or maybe she’d ask ‘Do you have any idea what size straitjacket you take?’ There must be some hope as I’m thinking I wouldn’t wear one unless it was made of either cashmere or Italian microfibre.