Sometimes I wonder if I might be an eight-year-old trapped in a middle-aged woman’s body. If I don’t get instant gratification, I kick my feet and complain about the unfairness of it all and then feel like breaking my toys and spoiling things. That just about sums up the second monthly review I sent to my spiritual mentor Marion yesterday.
In my previous post, I listed the questions that she asks in the form and here, I’ll give you a synopsis of my answers. Trust me, you don’t want the full outpourings.
* As you look back over the last couple of weeks since your last review, what have you learned about yourself?
I am a glass half-empty person. I feel like a failure and experience cyclical mood swings. I am either on a massive high or a crashing low. At the moment, I feel about as spiritual as an episode of Love Island.
* How have you been getting on with your meditation practices?
My family laughed at my ‘Do no disturb’ signs and every time I lose my temper they bleat ‘the meditation clearly isn’t working.’ Even so, I am getting better with the help of guided meditations found on YouTube. I post these on my Facebook page if you’re interested.
* How are you getting on with the homework?
I forgot all about my homework, which is to receive. I’d give myself a grade D for this. Must try harder.
* Have you uncovered any interesting beliefs?
I don’t believe I can earn a decent living by doing what I really love, which is writing. I also feel that life is one hard slog and then you die. I think I am a failure.
* What’s been flowing well for you?
* Any challenges?
My father’s recent hospitalisation. The mess that my teenagers make on a minute by minute basis and tax bills.
* What can we celebrate about you?
My Marie Kondo’d wardrobe is still tidy. Yay!
* What would you like to be included in the next mentoring day?
Techniques to help me get rid of my limiting beliefs – such as ‘I am a failure’ and ‘I can’t earn money by writing.’
* Anything else?
I don’t feel as if I am doing well at any one area in my life right now. Wail. Gnash. Kick. Spit.
I will let you know what Marion says of the above. One of the things I love about her are the e-mails she sends. They are so encouraging and practical. For example, when I explained that things are tough with my dad being ill, she wrote and told me that when her parents were both in hospital, she learned how to meditate there. She got quite good at it in the end. I’m not sure how easy that will be in Dad’s ward where old men are peeing in their pyjamas and coughing their guts up, but I may as well try.