My spiritual homework for the month is to receive with gratitude and although it sounds easy enough, I stumbled at the first hurdle. Several people complimented me on my One Show appearance last week and I fired back self-deprecating one-liners.
Then, when my Dad tried to get his wallet out to pay for lunch, I whipped my purse out faster than the speed of light and footed the bill.
I have refused to see this as failure. Being judgemental with myself and others is pointless, so I recognise that yes, I do have real difficulty in this area, but will get there eventually.
I am in Dublin at the moment visiting the mother of a late friend. She insists on paying for everything and if I dare to suggest going Dutch, she complains so loudly that everyone in the restaurant/shop/street looks round.
She seems to derive great pleasure from giving. She will turn 80 soon and has lost both children so perhaps it pleases her to treat me. I have accepted her generosity with gratitude, although I have threatened to hold her hostage if she doesn’t let me buy lunch today!
I have also practiced feeling ‘abundant’ and lo and behold, I got an e-mail from a client offering to pay me extra this month! Again, I accepted and thanked him.
Clearly I am getting the hang of receiving and even though I have a tax bill to pay, I’m starting to feel quite prosperous.
I’ve had one or two comments on social media about the cost of my spiritual mentoring with suggestions that it might be better if I either got some free counselling or did some charity work. The sub text here I think is that I am a spoilt rich cow with more money than sense – and that’s fine as what other people think of me is none of my business!
I don’t happen to think that £3,000 for a whole year under the guidance of an inspiring mentor is a lot of money. It works out at £250 a month, which is the equivalent of a gym membership and a couple of nights out.
I also believe that working with Marion will enable me to earn more – we are only in the second week of January and already I have gained a new client while another has spontaneously increased my fee. So far so good.
One of the things I learned from reading You Are A Badass At Making Money by Jen Sincero is that if I have a lot, it doesn’t mean there is less for others – there is plenty to go round. I do know that the more money I have, the more generous I can be. I have also accepted that rich people are not ‘bad’ or ‘greedy’ or ‘evil.’ If I think that, then I must believe that money embodies these qualities. How can it? It’s just numbers.
Part of this work I am doing involves letting go of the limiting beliefs that I have around money – that you have to work really really hard for it, it is evil, causes arguments, divorce, nervous breakdowns, there is never enough etc etc. Such thoughts are only ever going to result in a barren bank account.
In her book, Jen suggests writing a letter to money. I’ve done this twice and honestly, it was such an eye opener. I admitted that I loved money, but that I always feared it would run out on me. I felt dirty for wanting it, yet my need for it was obsessive etc. Try it. It feels odd at first, but my goodness, it shines the light of truth on what is really going on your psyche.
Money, let it be known that I bloody love you!